Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
