I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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