i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
