evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
