My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
false alarm, still single
Randomize
