I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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