i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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