Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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