I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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