We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
