can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
