I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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