You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
