he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
