everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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