she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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