Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
