i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
