singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just gift wrapped bread.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
