Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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