i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
