so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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