Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
