Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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