Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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