walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
