some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
