11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
only if we run a train.
done.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
