guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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