yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
