So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
