but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
