omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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