no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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