please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
