I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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