Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Girls should come with a carfax report
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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