I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
