Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
