She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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