You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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