You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My penis needs a shock collar
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
