Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
