i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
