the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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