lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
