i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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