I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
