I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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