It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
