Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
