so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
