Fine. I'll sleep in my office
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
