i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
