we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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