The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
