oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
