I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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