do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
