Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
