So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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