i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
