I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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