You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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