I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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