I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
