Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
