He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
