Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
