Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
