I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
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And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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